Thursday, April 17, 2014

Happily Ever

So last Friday came and went. I did not lose it, cry myself to sleep, or do something dumb like call or text. Maybe it was because I was in DC surrounded by BOFF and her family, or because my feet hurt so bad from walking our nation's capital all day, or perhaps its because I am happy.

Yeah,  happy. That word that seem to allude me for so many years. Was I a happy child? I think so, at some points. Teens? Surely no. College? There were moments. Law school? Seriously? My 20's? Yes and no. Happy. Its just not a word I ever associated with me. Content? yeah, I often just felt content. But is content enough?

I admit, I have always been one of those girls who believes in Prince Charming, fairytales and happily ever after. I think growing up in a disjointed home can do that to you. My journal, thoughts, and wishes were for "normal," whatever the heck that meant. But to me, normal meant marriage, house, kids, 2 dogs, good job, want for nothing, surely no divorce--normal. I look back and can see so many things, choices, decisions that I made because it was on my path to normal, my pursuit of something better than what I knew growing up. I tried so hard to control, force, push, and where did it land me? I settled for content. Now, don't get me wrong, I loved and still love M. He will always be a part of me, and I don't regret my life with him for one moment. But. had I known then what I know now, I can't say I would have made the same decisions. In fact, I had myself convinced that I was never to know happiness, that somehow I was missed when the happy fairy waved her magic wand.

Then I realized that happy isn't what I thought it was. Its not sunshine, lollipops and cupcakes (although those things make me happy). Its waking every morning knowing  my wrongs have been forgiven and I have a new day granted to me to begin again. Its accepting my faults and shortcomings and striving to do better. Its putting aside myself wants and needs for others. Its being ok in the wilderness knowing He will lead me out of it, in time. Its accepting the things I cannot change and relieving myself of the burdens of others that I was never meant to carry. Its opening my heart and letting someone in, and I mean really in.

No, I have not stopped believing in fairytales, its just that my definition and picture of what one is has changed. See, in every fairytale, Disney story or lifetime sappy movie, what we forget is the struggle. Each character suffers from some trial, tribulation, pain. They suffer through to the ending, to their happily ever after.

I no longer look at my suffering as punishment. No, its merely party of my journey, its the curves, turns, and twists on my fairytale--to my Happily Ever.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Seeing is Believing

For most of us Easter means ham, eggs hunts, baskets, attending church on Sunday and indulging in too many cadbury eggs and peeps. I, in fact, love Easter. I admit, I love the giving of baskets, goodies, dying eggs, and putting on my Easter best. I love that is signifies the coming of spring, sun dresses, sandals and my cherished white Tory Burch purse. Its a time of newness, rebirth, and life.  This is clear through the green grass sprouting, blooms on the trees, and the life that April showers bring. This year I am especially excited for Easter because this year, I can see beyond the Hallmark holiday and into the greater gift not found in any perfectly embroidered basket.

I'd like to paint a picture for you.

Its warm, dusty, crowded. People are shoulder-to-shoulder. They are shouting with joy and its almost as if they are watching a parade. In a sense, this is a parade. Slowly, Jesus makes his way through the crowd, atop a donkey. He is exalted, esteemed, and given a king's welcome into the city. Cloaks are laid at his feet to form a path, and the crowd shouts "Hosana!" The same crowd that will just days later shout "crucify him!"

Could you do it? Would you do it? Ride atop a donkey knowing what is to come? Could you submit your whole being for your father? For all the world's people? Would you be obedient when every fiber in your body screams, no?

This scene painted so artfully in all four Gospels never ceases to amaze me. Its sends chills through my body and reminds me of His awesome love.

See, He knew we could not do it, would not do it. He mustered the courage, the obedience, the loyalty, the faith and walked into a crowd who shouted at Him "Hosana"--help us, save us. How fitting.

This picture is one of the love he had for us, the sacrifice he gave for us. He rode into the crowd knowing full-well what was to come, and never turned back.

What a display of faith. This is where I falter. I have for sometime looked backwards for what I could have done or should have done, and become frustrated when I am unable to control the forward momentum of my life, wanting so badly to know what will come. But I can neither change the past, or control the future. Just like Him. So this Easter season, I will walk by faith alone. I will trust in Him. Because, my heart will betray me, my friends will betray me, my family will betray, but like Him when the crowd betrayed Him, He saved.

We need not see to believe, only trust.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Keeping it Together

I knew it would happen. Ya know the day in your lawyer life when you, eek, miss a deadline. I thought it had come yesterday. There I was working away on the things left for me to get done after my mini vacay. Tweedle de de.... ho hum,, and then BAM! What? They served that? When? How? How many days? What did the Order say? Its already reset? What?

These thoughts swarmed my lil head. I was so confused and panicked and well I may have had a mini heart attack right there in my office. yeah, total false alarm. I mean I plan, calendar and make a million and one post its, how could I forget?

But, I digress (yeah you totally thought this was going to be planner, lawyer thing huh?) See, it was my reaction. I'm a crier. Things go wrong? cry. Mad? cry. Sad? cry. Boss yells at you? cry. Think you have missed a deadline? cry.

Yup, people, the tears swell up and I lose it. I want to just crawl into a hole and bawl. Productive? Yeah right. It has been a goal of mine to work on keeping it together.

Yup, grown woman here who just sometimes losses it. I'm not quite sure where this came from and when it developed, but somewhere between confidant teen and lawyer I lost control of my ability to see when tears are needed.

So, should you walk by me on the way to the bathroom while dressed in suit and heels, don't worry Ill get it together.

And... Happy Birthday to my BOFF!!!

Monday, April 14, 2014

The Time I Went to Washington

What a weekend!!! In case you missed it, I went to Washington, DC this weekend for the most epic of vacays and a Blate! I finally got to meet my BOFF P!inky and Jenn! I headed off to DC for Jenn's wedding and P!nky's birthday weekend! To say I was excited is the most understatement of all time. i was elated, excited, over the top could not hold in the excitement happy!

I got in and headed out to see DC since I had never been. It was Cherry Blossom Festival and boy were they in bloom! DC was gorgeous! Beware of picture overload:

Then, I headed back into Clarendon for P!nky's bday dinner! It was major public screaming! I had a blast with her family and friends and well just being together!!

Saturday was wedding day! Man oh man did Jenn look beautiful!

BOFF, we were made for each other!

Mr. and Mrs.

gorgeous bride!

3 bloggers, 3 great friends!

We danced the night away and just had a blast! If you didn't now we had just met in person you would have never known, it was like we had known each other for years. Which, technically we did, but not IRL! Yes, people, this was real life, major reality!

Its funny, I knew I had connected with P!nky and Jenn and Jessica, but its so different when you meet them in person and talk to them. I had built up this crazy anticipation and it lived up to it! Seriously, I thought P!inky and I had a connection, but we really do! Funny how God works and puts people in our lives and finds a way for it to work.

I know that my friendship with these two woman will only grow over time. I am beyond blessed! It was also the best way to spend the anniversary of the big D, with two of my closest friends, two people who had been there through it all.

Sunday I headed to church and brunch with P!inky and her family. It was the perfect end to the perfect weekend. Praising Him with one of my best friends IRL now. I loved sharing my faith with her and her family (who  by the way are the coolest people ever!). And le husband, well C is the best (thank you C for indulging your wife's crazy passion to write and meet people in person she has only know via blogging!)

Although I was sad to go and totally already miss her, & Jenn, I know this is only the beginning! But... I was so happy to see these faces when I got home:

Hope ya'll had an epic weekend as well.

Friday, April 11, 2014

This Is It

One year ago today I closed one chapter of my life and began a new one. One where I was on my own again. One where I no longer had someone to come home to every night. One where I was in control of my own destiny. Yes, one year ago today I went from a Mrs. to a Ms.

I have been through so much in the last year. I moved, adopted a new dog, bought a house, took on more responsibility at work, found a church home, developed wonderful friendships, renewed old friendships, found myself and found love again.

And today, one year later, I am starting another chapter. Today I get to make two of my BOFF my IRL friends. I get to witness Jenn starting a new chapter in her life and develop a friendship that has blossomed over almost 2 years. I get to laugh, dance, hug, scream and see what friendship is about. I get to live my life.

People ask you how you are after it. Heck, I asked people when it would get better, when I would feel better, when my pain and sadness would end. But the thing is, M will always be a part of my life. He was most of my 20's. He shared in so much of my life. I can only describe it like experiencing the death of a loved one. But much like grieving the loss of life, gradually you begin to heal.

Its slow and I'm not sure when it began or ended, or whether it ever truly will, but I'm ok with it. See, I know I cannot control life. I am not the master, I am only a willing participant, but I promise to always enjoy the ride.

So, Happy Wedding Jenn and Happy Birthday P!nky!

Thursday, April 10, 2014


Yes, people in just one day, I will be in DC and be hanging with the BOFF and Jenn! I am OMG excited!!!


Can't wait to get my dance on


OK, so maybe not that dance, but you get the point!

And Oh you better believe I will be doing a lil of this when I finally meet P!nky & Jenn


Until then, You can find me doing my lawyer lady thing! Happy Thursday ya'll!

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Like Whoa

Sometimes I run across things in my career that make me stop, roll the eyes and go whoa. And I think "Does that crap really happen?" Yeah, it so does.

Exhibit A:

Two lawyers are getting married. One works for a very well-known big law firm. Here is their wedding website.

Exhibit B:

You work on a case for several years. Yes you heard me years. It settles the day before trial.

Exhibit C:

You have friends who are prosecutors who gloss over the fact that they are working a case in which a mother has basically pimped out her own children for drug money. Yeah, they just pop that into normal conversation. One minute its how's your salad over lunch, followed by, yeah you know the case where mom pimps out her kids.... hold the croutons people!

Exhibit D:

A nursing home hired strippers for its residents. Yeah, you heard me. You better believe there was a lawsuit.

Who said the life of a lawyer was boring?

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